


it's the thought that counts

by bimrambles



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, FUCK YALL, M/M, One-Shot, POV Second Person, Panic Attacks, Post-Canon, evan hansen's pov, florist evan hansen, flower shop!au, im supposed to hate this, jared works at lush, trigger warning for panic attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-13
Updated: 2017-04-13
Packaged: 2018-10-18 10:16:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10614828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bimrambles/pseuds/bimrambles
Summary: jared finds you working at the flower shop.





	

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER:  
> tw- panic attacks  
> described in at most three to five sentences
> 
> this is evan hansen's pov in second person C: thought it was better that way hahaha
> 
> enjoy !!! :^)

“You’ve gotta be kidding me.”

“—OH MY GOD, JARED.”

There goes the worn-out trowel gracelessly clanging on the floor, and a pot of fresh garden soil scattering across the checkered tiles. Damn it, you just cleaned up fifteen minutes ago, and your boss could be back any second now. It’s not that she could fire you on the spot, or made looks that could kill or anything, it’s just plain embarrassing to have her watch you screw up for the fifth time today.

You love this job, you really do. You guess trees did not just cut it. You found the great outdoors a little overwhelming. Then, of course, there are certain memories you would rather not relive again. It’s small in here, which is perfect because wherever you are in this little florist space, you could smell ten different flowers altogether and fall instantly in love.

“Earth to Evan? I’m in dire need of a bouquet right now. Possibly involves the extermination of my life in case I was not to get home without one.” Right. You roll your eyes at him. You just got this job a few days ago, not necessarily trying to hide it from him. You were just... not ready to tell him. You can hear him laughing already. You don’t really mind it— he’s not the bully you fear, he’s your friend. He made that abundantly clear to you after that whole Connor Project thing between you two simmered down.

“Sorry—I just gotta clean this up.” Jared laughs maniacally. Well, no, he just _chuckled_ , but he’s laughing at you. He’s laughing at you because you just degraded yourself from forest park ranger to... a florist. _No, stop it. He’s not laughing at you._ You get the broom and start sweeping up what’s left of the pot. _He’s just... happy to see you? No, no. He just thinks it’s funny to see you here and there’s nothing wrong with that. Like bumping into your old elementary principal at a bar._

“You work at a flower shop.” You use your foot to open the trash bin and dump the pot in, turn to sweep up the soil and put it in the back for later use. _Very funny._

“You work at _Lush_.”

“Ouch. Okay, fine. This place looks cool. I just didn’t expect to see you here.” Well, you didn’t either. Who’s he buying flowers for, anyways?

You walk to the front of the counter, now, smiling to yourself. It’s not so hard to come up with comebacks anymore now that you don’t live in fear of being too mean and insensitive to other people— especially to Jared. You guess it’s something about knowing that you’ll never be as mean and insensitive as Jared. He takes a few steps towards you, and you wish you could wipe the smug off his face as it gets closer, if your hands aren’t suddenly frozen with this unfamiliar invasion of personal space. He has you leaning against the counter, but you can tell that he’s still being hesitant. How can a person be so careful with doing something so rash?

“W-What do you need?” You’re getting flustered. It’s difficult not to be when Jared is like, 4 inches from your face. _What is he doing?_

“What do you have for a sophisticated, kind, and caring lady?” He asks, his breath tickling your chin. See, now he steps back, and he’s got a devilish grin on his face.

“... Wait, you have a girlfriend?”

“ _Ew_ , no, it’s for my mom.” He holds both of his hands up, his face contorting into something like a mix between disgust and a smile. You knew him long enough to tell that this is the face he makes when he’s lying or he has something to hide. You take a second to glance at his attire, top to bottom. You didn’t realize it when he just walked in, but... he’s wearing a tuxedo?

You start to get skeptical.

“How thoughtful of you to buy a bouquet for your mom wearing a... tuxedo.”

“It’s a suit, Evan.” He retorts. What’s the difference, anyways? “It’s also my mom’s birthday and I have to get her something or else she won’t pay for the internet bill.”

You’ll believe it for now. You’ve believed it as you’re mentally listing out which flowers would be perfect to give to his mom. You’ve met her before, and she seems to be a purple-pink kind of woman. You start on the bouquet.

Pink roses for elegance. Lilacs could be for... love, perhaps? Pink carnations, it’s typical but the symbolism is perfect. Maybe he could throw in some red peonies for colour, as well as daisies which are the flowers of the month. Asters and some violets.

“Jesus Christ, go easy. It’s not a wedding.”

“Shut up, Jared. I like your mom.”

“Gross.”

“No, not in that way, oh my—” He cuts you off with a cold finger to your lips. He starts laughing again, and as much as you _like_ his laugh, he’s just plain cruel sometimes.

Wait, what? No, you don’t _like_ his laugh. Why would you think that—

“ _Shhhhh_. Relax, I was just kidding.” You gently push his hand off your face, (ew, you can taste the Lush bath bomb on your lips.) and wrap up the bouquet. You take a small square card from a box to write ‘Mom’ at the top, but he stops you.

“Ah, ah, I’ll write it down later.”

“That’s fifty bucks.”

“Can I get a discount? I’m your -ahem- friend, after all.” He teases. You could give him a chance. Under one condition.

“Forty if you tell your mom I picked them out.”

“Forty-five and I’ll tell her we picked them out together?” You’re blushing right now, but this has just got to stop. You breathe in, out, hands on the counter.

“This isn’t for your mom, is it? You know if you actually have a girlfriend after all, I don’t see why you feel the need to hide it from me.”

“What? No, I already told you, I don’t have a girlfriend. What is your problem?”

You shut your mouth. No, it’s not true. It’s not true, he’s hiding something. He’s breathing, in and out, and you can just see it. You can see him run his hands through his hair. His eyes are looking right at you. You thought he was shaking until you look at your own hands.  No, he’s not hiding anything. You are. You’re just getting jealous.

_My problem? My problem is that I like you. I like you, and there’s nothing I can do about it. And it’s silly. It’s silly, I know. I’m in love with my best friend, you can laugh now._

“Evan, Evan, calm down, are you okay? Did you drink any water today?” You check your breathing. _I’m not hyperventilating._ You’re sweating terribly, and your chest feels like it’s going to explode. Jared tries his best not to touch you. “Jesus, _fuck_ , here, sit down. It’s okay, it’s okay.”

“Sorry.” It was all you managed to say. You know better than to say anything else, though. You bring up your knees to your chest. It hurts. It hurts and you’re trying to squeeze it together, try to squeeze out the pain. _You were supposed to be friends. It’s not your fault because you were hiding this job from him too, is it? You wanted to tell him about your cool new florist gig, but you just wanted to wait and see if you really landed it. He’s not hiding anything. Look, he’s trying to help you. He’s helping you. Calm down._

You nod, but you don’t really know why. Maybe Jared asked if he could touch you now. His hand is on your shoulder. You’re still okay, but you’re starting to feel a little lethargic.

“Sorry.” You say again.

“I’m not hiding anything...?” Jared reassures you. Funny. You must have said that out loud. “Okay, maybe one thing. I’ll tell you if it makes you feel better.”

“No, you don’t have to.” You think a bit. “... I hate feeling betrayed, which is ironic, because I _have_ betrayed thousands of people before.”

“We have to let that past go, Evan. The Connor Project is behind us; we talked about this.” Silence. “You should go clock out. As much as I know you love this job, you need to get some rest. I think I saw a lady come in here while you were uh... yeah.”

“Oh.” It’s just plain embarrassing to have her watch you screw up for the fifth time today.

“That’s your boss, right? I’ll talk to her.” He’s already walking there, though. He doesn’t need you to answer; he’s known you long enough to tell that you have no energy to say much after... _everything_.

“Thanks.” You say, to no one in particular, while he consults your boss in the other room.

 

* * *

 

 

“You still hanging? We have to walk all the way home, buddy. I didn’t bring my ride with me.”

“It’s okay. I like walking.” Your therapist had actually recommended you to take brisk and quiet walks after attacks, if you still have the energy. It sure beats moping in bed, sweaty sheets and everything. “Sor-” _No, don’t say sorry. Don’t say sorry._ “Thank you.”

“Well, don’t mention it. You’ve made quite the progress.” You smile.

After you and Zoe agreed it would be best to never meet again, things had... started to look up for you. It was like you didn’t have anything to worry about anymore. You let things go, and you just have to keep moving forward. Then Jared came back to your life. Like you, he was looking for change. He was looking for a new start, and somehow, it all worked out.

You managed to catch feelings for him along the way, surprisingly. You tried to push away most of it, because you know he’ll never like you back. It was back to square one with spending too much time worrying about sweaty hands in the bathroom. But he’s not Zoe. He knew everything. He knew how lonely you were. He was there when you told him how you waited for 20 minutes after _falling_ out of a tree (which was the most of what you told anybody at the time); he was there when you lied to everybody. Things weren’t as good as this back then, because he, too, was lonely. He was scared of many things. He just wanted a break.

No, your hands are not sweaty. No, you’re not going to find a hand dryer in some bathroom. No, you’re not going to think about anything. You shouldn’t be worried anymore.

“I like you.” Jared says, casually. Just like that.

“Uh...”

“Yeah, you... didn’t really take the hint, did you?”

“I was going to say the same thing, but you got there first and you just ruined it.”

“Aw, that’s too bad.” He laughs again. He laughs, and this time he’s not mocking you. He never was, really. “Fine, I’ll give you a turn.”

“...Excuse me?”

“Not excused. I want to hear you say it, come on.”

“I-I like you too...?”

“There we go.” He reaches over to grab your hand, and you feel like you’re about to die in his grip. You couldn’t tell whose hands are sweating. “Okay, that’s not actually the only thing I was hiding from you.” You’re about to cut him off there, startled, but he’s going to let himself finish no matter what. “I knew you worked at that dainty flower shop. Why not? Plus, I’ve walked past a couple of times and saw you, it was unbelievable.”

The sky is painted with beautiful gradient of peach into violet. Your house is coming into view, but you knew you would rather not let this walk end soon.

“You did not.”

“I even came up with this grand plan that I’d wear this suit that was meant for that prom dance I didn’t go to, buy a bouquet from you and pretend it was for my mom, and then I’ll sneak it into your room with this cute little note. But... ah, you’ve made it look... motherly.” He holds up the pink-purple-red flowers. “I’m just going to give it to my mom anyways. Tomorrow is her actual birthday. You should come over for dinner, what do you think?”

“Dinner sounds great? That’s... you would basically just pay me to make myself a bouquet?” You stop at your doorstep.

“It’s the thought that counts, Hansen.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading !!!  
> thank you, aislinn, for beta-reading this horseshit ily


End file.
